Oh, Andrew, such sweet sorrow and joy! Even in what may seem like cacophony, though, know that Tana, Valor, and you are right where you need to be and that everything is unfolding just as it should. You’re dancing to an ancient song, learning the moves while the music plays its new-to-your-ears composition.
Reminds me of the nightly routine when we had our first born, now many years ago. Nancy and I were in such synchrony during the pregnancy that I felt slighted I couldn’t nurse and be the cuddle master she was. I just didn’t have the goods. I came to realize, however, that what I did have was the ability to help create and protect the space to let this miracle relationship flourish. My role, reluctantly accepted, was to step back physically a bit and support, give, give. It hurt. We, too, came to an understanding of how to handle the night routine, the three of us balancing the sleep, wake, feed, diaper, play routines. Did I mention sleep? More like deprivation. Fortunately, this gets better, but it takes time. And the midnight hours go by so slowly. Each second feels like forever when a baby cries.
Then came the reality of having to go to work! Now that was just downright cruel. But we did what we had to do at that time and place. The fact that we humans for millennia lived in groups of 50-80 where a newborn was raised by extended family & community was of little consolation when we had to split for the day. I can tell you, though, that it made Daddy time even more special. I’d come home from work to squeals of delight and give Mom the break she deserved. Our son and I spent a lot of time outdoors every day, and this has served us well to this day. Mom is at the center of the Universe, and Dad creates and guards the perimeter with special visiting privileges. Sounds a bit cold, but we each needed each other then and still do.
Love to you and your family. It’s all working out according to the plan.
Your words here are actually a perfect segue into a mother's day piece I've been working on for a few weeks, forthcoming (re: "Mom is at the center of the Universe, and Dad creates and guards the perimeter"). I'm always so grateful to know about what you and Nancy were able to discover together, the teachings of your love together. Thanks for sharing this wise and loving note, Randy.
Wow, this made me chuckle and shudder remembering similar struggles with our first-born. After much trial and error we found that by breaking all the rules by bringing baby to our bed so mommy could nurse as she laid on her side gave everyone a midnight truce and eventual sleep. Of course, no tossing and turning allowed for those several months!
Beautiful truth in your becoming your true daddy self .. love the letter and the pictures 😘
Oh Andrew! Whew! You make the heart-break-opening of fatherhood so palpable. Thank you for sharing. 🙏🏻💜
PS it was mommy 😂
How sweet to think Valor will someday read these letters
Oh, Andrew, such sweet sorrow and joy! Even in what may seem like cacophony, though, know that Tana, Valor, and you are right where you need to be and that everything is unfolding just as it should. You’re dancing to an ancient song, learning the moves while the music plays its new-to-your-ears composition.
Reminds me of the nightly routine when we had our first born, now many years ago. Nancy and I were in such synchrony during the pregnancy that I felt slighted I couldn’t nurse and be the cuddle master she was. I just didn’t have the goods. I came to realize, however, that what I did have was the ability to help create and protect the space to let this miracle relationship flourish. My role, reluctantly accepted, was to step back physically a bit and support, give, give. It hurt. We, too, came to an understanding of how to handle the night routine, the three of us balancing the sleep, wake, feed, diaper, play routines. Did I mention sleep? More like deprivation. Fortunately, this gets better, but it takes time. And the midnight hours go by so slowly. Each second feels like forever when a baby cries.
Then came the reality of having to go to work! Now that was just downright cruel. But we did what we had to do at that time and place. The fact that we humans for millennia lived in groups of 50-80 where a newborn was raised by extended family & community was of little consolation when we had to split for the day. I can tell you, though, that it made Daddy time even more special. I’d come home from work to squeals of delight and give Mom the break she deserved. Our son and I spent a lot of time outdoors every day, and this has served us well to this day. Mom is at the center of the Universe, and Dad creates and guards the perimeter with special visiting privileges. Sounds a bit cold, but we each needed each other then and still do.
Love to you and your family. It’s all working out according to the plan.
Your words here are actually a perfect segue into a mother's day piece I've been working on for a few weeks, forthcoming (re: "Mom is at the center of the Universe, and Dad creates and guards the perimeter"). I'm always so grateful to know about what you and Nancy were able to discover together, the teachings of your love together. Thanks for sharing this wise and loving note, Randy.
Wow, this made me chuckle and shudder remembering similar struggles with our first-born. After much trial and error we found that by breaking all the rules by bringing baby to our bed so mommy could nurse as she laid on her side gave everyone a midnight truce and eventual sleep. Of course, no tossing and turning allowed for those several months!
We got a great card, playing off that phrase "the struggle is real" - said, "the snuggle is real." So real!
so well written. And you’re doing a great job! all those conflicting feelings… Just like every other dad🙏💗👏🏼👏🏼
Thank you, Jim!