I've been told the worst ship you can be on is a partnership. If pain has anything to do with it, that may be true. I also have reason to believe that the best ship is a partnership--if personal growth is a port of call. Sail on!
Ricki's feedback is like gasoline to a fire... I think that when I read her message I have a belief surface that if I don't do things a certain way, something bad happens... Like simply "it looses its effectiveness" and all the way to "no one will like me." .... It is giving me a reflection about how I present myself... I think it feels dishonest to present myself as if I am confident and have zero doubts and am sure of the worth of what I have to offer... I also think that the more comfortable I have gotten with being human, like having doubts, feeling insecure, and being unsure of my worth, the more confidence I have because then I don't have to be "better than" or be anything except the expression that is happening in the current moment because I know it's one of the many human experiences to be having, and, standing in that, with the confidence, of like, yeh... this is reality... it is a mark of existence.... rather than thinking that the experience or expression I am currently in, is not part of reality or part of existence or doesn't belong and so therefore I need to hide myself away until I am just in this one state that is presentable... has really helped me relax and be fully present for my life... but also there is truth there... like I think perhaps the next level of relaxing about this stuff is to maybe not even mention it... in the same way you might not mention a scent wafting through the air... and not over-compensate either... but just let the message come through... like she says about letting your powers come though... but then again... I think some of the transmission of a person's message is in witnessing them go through the process of getting it through, especially when they wrestle a little with something because that role-models something and gives us the ability to plow through that stuff to get our own messages out too... it also is a nice ground for connection... there is something there that is relatable and is an opening to relationship... like it isn't just a person on a pedestal being powerful... there is a feeling of we are all going through this... I, personally, have never liked artwork that is "perfect"... even if the artist has the capacity to do that... I've always liked artwork that I could see the process there... where I felt like I could feel the artist in the decisions and paint strokes...
Lovely paintstrokes here...ha, it came out as "painstrokes" first, and how fitting. So many of these colors come from the pain of loving and caring and giving a shit, and fearing all the fears down to the simple and way too vulnerable for most of us to admit "am I good enough" and "am I okay"...taking it and making it into beauty by naming it, by sharing it. I'd like to live, like you, a whole life, a wholly integrated life, one in which all aspects are welcome. And I really love your observation that maybe the next step, or a next step, is noticing the scent of something untrue in the air and simply letting it be there and pass by as it will, or won't as the case sometimes may be, but not needing to name it in order to feel true or present. Just a quiet, secret, sweet, relaxed "huh, there an odor passing through...and I've got work to do, it's called staying true." And I'm with you also on it all belonging. Of course it all belongs. It must, it's here! And maybe whatever our attention is called to attend to, whatever scents, whatever phenomena, those are for whatever mysterious reasons the particular piece in this infinitely vast mandala of creation that we are here to attend to, almost like a vast crowd of children, each child needs someone to attend to them, and the ones who come crying out to us for whatever reason are ours to swaddle and tend and understand, the scents, the fears, whatever it might be.
Thanks for the dive, Kendra, love going deep with you.
Love the conversation. My hope for The Little Courtyard is that the comments section become a place for dialogue like this. Thanks for helping me start it up, Kendra!
So who said we couldn't feel joy if there wasn't also pain? My donkey heart goes where it wants to go - can't stop feeling but willing to see what's on the other side - Thanks for the heartfelt words.
I've been told the worst ship you can be on is a partnership. If pain has anything to do with it, that may be true. I also have reason to believe that the best ship is a partnership--if personal growth is a port of call. Sail on!
And I'm finding that this partner ship is also a friend ship...maybe it's a catamaran. We ride the waves together. Happy sailing to you!
Ricki's feedback is like gasoline to a fire... I think that when I read her message I have a belief surface that if I don't do things a certain way, something bad happens... Like simply "it looses its effectiveness" and all the way to "no one will like me." .... It is giving me a reflection about how I present myself... I think it feels dishonest to present myself as if I am confident and have zero doubts and am sure of the worth of what I have to offer... I also think that the more comfortable I have gotten with being human, like having doubts, feeling insecure, and being unsure of my worth, the more confidence I have because then I don't have to be "better than" or be anything except the expression that is happening in the current moment because I know it's one of the many human experiences to be having, and, standing in that, with the confidence, of like, yeh... this is reality... it is a mark of existence.... rather than thinking that the experience or expression I am currently in, is not part of reality or part of existence or doesn't belong and so therefore I need to hide myself away until I am just in this one state that is presentable... has really helped me relax and be fully present for my life... but also there is truth there... like I think perhaps the next level of relaxing about this stuff is to maybe not even mention it... in the same way you might not mention a scent wafting through the air... and not over-compensate either... but just let the message come through... like she says about letting your powers come though... but then again... I think some of the transmission of a person's message is in witnessing them go through the process of getting it through, especially when they wrestle a little with something because that role-models something and gives us the ability to plow through that stuff to get our own messages out too... it also is a nice ground for connection... there is something there that is relatable and is an opening to relationship... like it isn't just a person on a pedestal being powerful... there is a feeling of we are all going through this... I, personally, have never liked artwork that is "perfect"... even if the artist has the capacity to do that... I've always liked artwork that I could see the process there... where I felt like I could feel the artist in the decisions and paint strokes...
Lovely paintstrokes here...ha, it came out as "painstrokes" first, and how fitting. So many of these colors come from the pain of loving and caring and giving a shit, and fearing all the fears down to the simple and way too vulnerable for most of us to admit "am I good enough" and "am I okay"...taking it and making it into beauty by naming it, by sharing it. I'd like to live, like you, a whole life, a wholly integrated life, one in which all aspects are welcome. And I really love your observation that maybe the next step, or a next step, is noticing the scent of something untrue in the air and simply letting it be there and pass by as it will, or won't as the case sometimes may be, but not needing to name it in order to feel true or present. Just a quiet, secret, sweet, relaxed "huh, there an odor passing through...and I've got work to do, it's called staying true." And I'm with you also on it all belonging. Of course it all belongs. It must, it's here! And maybe whatever our attention is called to attend to, whatever scents, whatever phenomena, those are for whatever mysterious reasons the particular piece in this infinitely vast mandala of creation that we are here to attend to, almost like a vast crowd of children, each child needs someone to attend to them, and the ones who come crying out to us for whatever reason are ours to swaddle and tend and understand, the scents, the fears, whatever it might be.
Thanks for the dive, Kendra, love going deep with you.
so pumped you wrote this!
Love the conversation. My hope for The Little Courtyard is that the comments section become a place for dialogue like this. Thanks for helping me start it up, Kendra!
Everyone needs an auntie to talk that straight talk. 🙌 Thanks for sharing!
This was so good. Your willingness to express vulnerability opens and frees my heart. Thank you!
Thank you, Randy. It's a privilege to be vulnerable and share in this way. I take courage in your reflections.
So who said we couldn't feel joy if there wasn't also pain? My donkey heart goes where it wants to go - can't stop feeling but willing to see what's on the other side - Thanks for the heartfelt words.
Blessings on your donkey heart that it enjoys the hay fields and mud pits and clear streams and all of it!
Damn dude. You crushed this. Reverend Run of heartbreak. Hat tip Ricki.
Congrads on upcoming marriage
Thank you for your blessing, Phil.
Thank you. Your words provide so much.
You're welcome, Ariana, and thank you.