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Jasmine Moon's avatar

We thought we had all this covered (and honestly, if you adopt this outlook of PP you are already well ahead of the majority of people) - and yet there were still some cracks that appeared!! It was a beautiful discovery that we are merely imperfect humans and new parents, and that you NEED the cracks to appear in order to level up. Failure leads to a greater understanding of everyones needs. What a journey. Thank you for sharing this listicle hehe

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Lori Milner's avatar

Andrew, how blessed Tana and Valor (and Rose) are to have you in their lives! I don’t know of anyone else who has shown this level of care to their new family. This is remarkable! Such wisdom. You and Tana are fortunate to have been able to create this nesting time, so cozy in the midst of winter.

I hope you both can get some sleep. Cat naps are great!

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Laura's avatar

"Open up, get vulny" -- my new favorite phrase.

While it's very very very true that the portal closes and you can't get it back, I'm so enjoying the little visits that reading these has provided :)

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Andrew Forsthoefel's avatar

Glad to be a bridge back, and to know that such bridge exist. Thanks, Laura.

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Christopher Speers's avatar

Excellent advice! There is something about your own kid’s scream. Pay attention when you’re out and you hear someone else’s kid - you empathize, but it doesn’t pierce your soul the same way. It’s as if the soul recognizes its own vs other.

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Amber Trimble's avatar

I'm glad to see a family actually doing "the first 40 days" protocol. We budgeted to have a post partum holistic chef bring us food for the first few weeks. I made a TON of broth in 16 oz mason jars and then my husband thawed a few out at a time and served one to me like coffee every day.

I was very serious about the 40 day rest period and I saw the benefits. ZERO menty Bs. And I never felt that anxious depleted feeling that came with the first one.

I want the portal to stay open forever 🥲

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Jorge Abreu's avatar

Love the recipe portion... Get Vulny! At first I was like, "Huh?" Then I caught on... So powerful!

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abigail sue's avatar

first time mom of a 9 month old over here. you get it my guy. love this list. cheers to parenthood 🫶🏻 your family is blessed

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Andrew Forsthoefel's avatar

Thank you, Abigail, and blessings to your family as well!

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Dorathea Fish's avatar

AMAZING ANDREW… your sensitivity and insight are truly inspiring.. love # 23 and 24 and on from there 😍

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Christina's avatar

This just made me sad to read, honestly. Postpartum took my husband completely by surprise, and he was furious that the house mysteriously fell to shambles.

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Andrew Forsthoefel's avatar

Oh man, so grateful for your realness. Yeah, this postpartum journey is some real shit, and I can imagine losing my shit if I hadn't been blessed/privileged to have access to certain teachers and teachings. Thank you, Christina, for this glimpse into your own honored path.

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Dog Star Healing's avatar

You excellent, kind, flawed, human wonderful man. Thank you for turning up, thank you for honouring that brilliant woman of yours. Your baby is in very good hands.

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Andrew Forsthoefel's avatar

Thanks, Dog Star.

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Rachel's avatar

Single woman here in absolute despair daily about the kinds of men out there in the dating pool. This has given me hope! I am keeping my standards high! I have always felt deep down that this kind of love exists and women should wait for this—for their sakes and their children’s sake! Thank you for writing!

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Andrew Forsthoefel's avatar

Take heart! Take courage! Appreciate you sharing this here, and more, appreciate your KNOWING that the great love, your great love, is here for you. Keep those standards high, my friend.

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Ganga Devi Braun's avatar

They exist! They might just not be swimming in the dating pool. I met my husband at a thing that he almost skipped because he planned to spend that new years eve journaling on the beach, focused on inner work for the future life as a really good husband and father rather than going to parties or dating. If I may offer some unsolicited hyping— Definitely keep your standards high! Know and love yourself ever more and ever deeply, that's how your person will be able to recognize you as soon as you meet <3

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Rachel's avatar

Thank you so much ♥️ Today was such a sad day for me and I’ve just felt so depressed. I was thinking about something I wrote in a magazine about high standards and how I wanted to change it before it publishes because maybe everyone would privately think that I was being too picky believing in a Prince Charming that wouldn’t still be available for a 30-year old woman—which is something I’ve essentially been told by men on substack. I really needed your “unsolicited hyping” today. I was praying about what on earth good could possibly have come from so many years alone, though, and truthfully I have been able to start new hobbies like gardening and find out that I also love cats and work on my art and cooking and rethink my values and all sorts of good things. Thank you so much for cheering me up today! 🙂

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Jill Johnson's avatar

I'm sharing this everywhere. Lovely lovely lovely, just like Andrew and Tana. Astounding medicine, this advice.

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Andrew Forsthoefel's avatar

Wonderful to know you're reading along. Thanks, Jill.

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Higuel Norões's avatar

I really enjoyed reading this. I myself am right now taking care of my 1 mont old daughter and I feel so blessed to live in Finland and have 6 months of paternity leave. Making the most of it

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Andrew Forsthoefel's avatar

Congratulations, my bro! Nothing better. And so glad the Finns have figured out a better way to support families. Hell yes.

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Ida's avatar
Apr 17Edited

What intuitive, sensitive and practical man to man advice for new fathers! I think you have articulated a set of principles and actions any man can put into place during the fragile, fruitful and exhausting transition from woman to mother and from a couple to parents. This is family building, marriage saving stuff!

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Andrew Forsthoefel's avatar

Thanks for these generous words, Ida.

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jerielle's avatar

Agreed! Brilliant, full of authenticity and light. Thank you Andrew, for this intimate peek into your new dad experience. Beautiful and tender and strong and vulnerable. A gift. ♥️

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tina's avatar

This…:… needs to be viral

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tina's avatar

Ps. Get vulny, baby!!!

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Andrew Forsthoefel's avatar

Gotta credit my friend Pete McLean for coining that one!

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