You!

Dear Little One: Letters to My Kid (#1)

Dear Baby,

Ah, it’s so weird to just call you Baby. I want to call you by your name. I’m greedy for that, impatient. But all in good time. And that good time will come. Soon, now.

This nameless time is special, though, I have to remember that. It will only be like this for another two months or so. Just two more months of us not knowing your name, your sounds, your face. Your poop. Two more months of pure poopless mystery.

But you will always be a mystery. A mystery who’s butt needs to be wiped, sure, but let me never forget what I see so clearly now, which is that you are a miracle, come to us from origins unknown. Maybe that’s a part of what this pregnancy time is for, for us. To anchor us in the unknowable mystery of you.

Don’t get me wrong, I do intend to know you. As much as possible. As deeply as you’ll let me. I’m just saying I don’t want to forget this feeling of not knowing you. “Who is this baby?!” your mom and I say to each other. Who are you, kid?

I’m glad to be writing this letter. I’ve been putting it off for a long time. Where to begin? What to say? Feels good, to just start. You may never read it. That’s okay. If nothing else, it’s helping me put words to what I’m experiencing right now. Namely, THE VERY STRONG FEELING OF WANTING TO FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE, DUDE!!!

Easy, daddy. Just a few more months. I’ve been waiting years, what’s a few more months?

Are you catching this, kid? Your dad wants you, bad. Put that in your placenta and smoke it.

So, you’ve been in your mother’s womb for 30 weeks now. Where were you before, I wonder? How does it all work? I don’t know. I don’t know a lot. I actually think that will be one of the gifts I give to you. My ability, my willingness, to not know. There’s so much I can’t wait to not know with you.

And what do you know? That, too, I can’t wait to find out.